


meet me a mickey d's so we can jump roy

by IIzakuraII



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, I mean, M/M, Multi, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?, chat fic, except for roy because he is a little piece of sugar honey iced tea, i wrote this @ a library
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2020-05-20 22:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19386016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IIzakuraII/pseuds/IIzakuraII
Summary: maria hill: so. we gonna jump roy or nah.denny's: nah, i ain't trying to get warrant.how do u use this messaging junk?: okay, where tf we meet?maria hill: mickey d's.denny's: while you there, can i get a mcgriddle?maria hill: sausage or chesse?denny's: cheese, i aint gay.maria hill: you getting sausage.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> maria hill: so. we gonna jump roy or nah.  
> denny's: nah, i ain't trying to get warrant.  
> how do u use this messaging junk?: okay, where tf we meet?  
> maria hill: mickey d's.  
> denny's: while you there, can i get a mcgriddle?  
> maria hill: sausage or chesse?  
> denny's: cheese, i aint gay.  
> maria hill: you getting sausage.
> 
> users:  
> maria hill- (ofc it's maria ross)  
> denny's- denny (ofc again)  
> how do u use this messaging junk?- olivier (olivi- yeah)  
> guns and ships: riza  
> roy musty wang: roy...(ofc)  
> narudo- lan fan  
> i rob ur house for food not money- ling  
> sheski bear- sheska  
> eddsworld- edward  
> al, stop taking cats- alphonse  
> wrenchy grill- winry  
> pans-paninya  
> i'm greedy for d-greed  
> candy kain- kain.  
> no-havoc

candy kain: this is for havoc, if you're not havoc don't watch.

candy kain:<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTCyGciWPsw>

no: sure, hit me up in your dms.

eddsworld: oh, okay.

guns and ships: how did he...imma try this.

candy kain: it's my method, dont steal.

guns and ships: oli, can u send me some nudes.

how do u use this messaging junk?: ok.

how do u use this messaging junk?: <https://www.amazon.com/Maybelline-Nudes-Eyeshadow-Palette-0-34/dp/B00L0R5494?th=1>

guns and ships: that's why i chose her. 

wrenchy grill: sound like best grill to me.

how do u use this messaging junk?: ik i am.

pans: not better than my grill.

pans:<https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/thinglink/avatars/qo/4iXMyHaW5b5jLEEh8DxFjaMey1tMANH5icNcdyxAsBqo.jpeg>

narudo: shit, she beat us all with her grill.

sheski bear: she did tho. 

maria hill: i am your grill.

denny's: so, i'm single?

al, stop taking cats: no, you're not. i'm single. you're just the only straight person.

guns and ships: ERRRRTTT. YOU ARE INCORRECT, ROY IS.

roy musty wang: s-shut up baka.

guns and ships: no u

sheski bear: ay, people who can't sing, lets sing sweater weather.

sheski bear: except for ed, al, roy, and havoc. greed and ling you may join but thats up to you.

narudo: so you saying people who can sing join. ur petty.

sheski bear: i'm not petty, i just dont wanna hear anyone offbeat or hitting terrible high notes when they cant.

guns and ships: they hated her for telling the truth.

how do u use this messaging junk?: so we singing? i cant, we sound terrible.

sheski bear: people who say they cant sing sounds good. people who say they can sing sound terrible.

wrenchy grill: tru tho.

pans: k, everyone voice chat.

(don't wrry. i'll tell u who's singing, k. btw song: sweater weather/habits. /= they singing. &= singing together.)

Sheska: Okay, who's ready?

Winry: Not me.

Paninya: Same.

Lan Fan: You tripping, if you think i'm singing.

Riza: Roy stop screen recording.

Olivier: Chill, Riza.

Winry: Maria. Denny, and Kain. Where are you? You ain't getting no free pass.

Maria: She caught us.

Kain: Leggo, then.

Denny: Let's do this.

Paninya: We singing Sweater weather?

Sheska: Yeah...

Lan Fan: Sweater Weather by the Neighborhood?

Sheska: Yeah?

Lan Fan: Drop that beat. I'm singing first.

Lan Fan: Okay, /All I am is a man. I want the world in my hands/

Paninya: /I hate the beach. But I stand in California with my toes in the sand/

Lan Fan: /Use the sleeves of my sweater. Let's have an adventure. Head in the clouds but my gravity's centered/

Maria: /Touch my neck and I'll touch yours. You in those little high waisted shorts, oh./

Sheska: /She knows what I think about. And what I think about. One love, two mouths. One love, one house./

Kain: /No shirt, no blouse. Just us, you find out. Nothing that wouldn't wanna tell you about no./

Winry & Riza: /Cause it's too cold whoa. For you here and now. So let me hold whoa. Both your hands in the holes of my sweater./

Paninya: Pause the fucking music.

Paninya: Can we just appreciate how fucking beautiful that note was with the both of them? Like that shit was American Idol worthy.

Olivier: I agree. 

Winry: I ain't surprised. I'm a soprano and she's a tenor.

Riza: I'm an Alto.

Maria: No fucking way you are.

Paninya : Then why THE FUCK DO YOU SOUND LIKE A TENOR?! I'M AN ALTO AND I DON'T EVEN SOUND LIKE THAT!

Riza: You sounded like a whole soprano. Sit down and it's called vocal control.

Paninya: /I gotta stay high all my life to forget i'm missing you/ Does that sound like a soprano?

Lan Fan: That sounded like a Alto...

Paninya: THANK YOU!

Lan Fan: And soprano.

Paninya: /High all the time/ That doesn't sound like a soprano. Lan Fan, you an alto?

Lan Fan: No, Tenor.

Paninya: What. Are. Ya'll. Using. To. Make. Your. Fucking. Voice. Not. Sound. Like. Your. Vocal. Group? I. Need. It. Now.

Paninya: Sheska, Kain, Denny, I swear if you're not your vocal group.

Sheska: Soprano.

Kain: Tenor.

Denny: Alto.

Paninya: /I gotta stay high all the time...cause why the fuck are sounding out they're mind, am I going blind?/

Olivier: /You gotta stay high all the time cause you're not going blind./

Denny: /You're just out your mind./

Winry:  No.

Riza: No what?

Winry: No the fuck we are not about to ignore that note Olivier just did. You're a tenor?

Olivier: Yeah.

Paninya: FINALLY! SOMEONE WHO SOUNDS LIKE THEIR VOCAL NOTE! 

Lan Fan: You sounded like a whole fucking soprano, sit your "ALTO" ass down. You ain't special.

Paninya: I'm suing you.

Riza: Olivier, sing real quick.

Olivier: No.

Riza: Why not?

Olivier: I don't.

Riza: I'll surprise you ;)

Olivier: /Well, I had me a boy, turned him into a man. I showed him all the things that he didn't understand. Whoa, and then I let him go. Now, there's one in California who's been cursing my name. 'Cause I found me a better lover in the UK. Hey, hey, until I made my getaway. One, two, three, they gonna run back to me. 'Cause I'm the best baby that they never gotta keep.  
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me. They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave Ex's and the oh, oh, oh's they haunt me.  
Like ghosts they want me to make 'em all. They won't let go. Ex's and oh's./ 

Riza: Good girl.

Maria: They about to do the dirty.

*how do u use this messaging junk? and guns and ships left the chat.

* * *

 

eddsworld: why did olivier and riza leave the chat?

pans: for adult reasons.

al, stop taking cats: oh...

roy musty wang: :(

wrenchy grill: stop being sad, you wasn't going to get her anyway.

no: true tho.

*how do u use this messaging junk? joined the chat.

how do u use this messaging junk?: :( she just gave me a paw patrol gummys.

narudo: damn, that's not even tough. that's betrayal.

roy musty wang: at least you got to be with her.

eddsworld: imagine you thinking you about to do something in the bedroom and she got you all excited then comes with some fucking gummy bears @ the 99 cent store from the top of the refrigerator. how would YOU feel, mustang?

roy musty wang: idk happy.

how do u use this messaging junk?: she wasn't even dressed...she was in a robe, freshly underwear.

*guns and ships joined the chat

pans: you petty, riza.

guns and ships: how?

narudo: by the lesbian community, she's needs to get some by tonight or you're no longer lesbo.

guns and ships: meany >:(

how do u use this messaging junk?: no u

guns and ships: >:O 

guns and ships: OLI, HOW COULD YOU!

how do u use this messaging junk?: THAT'S HOW I FELT WHEN I GOT THEM PAW PATROL GUMMIES INSTEAD OF YOUR GLORIOUS SEXY BODY!

guns and ships: i got u tonight.

maria hill: you better give her some tonight. 

denny's: sis already feeling betrayed.

sheski bear: tru tho.

pans: i better get a 2 page essay on my desk by tomorrow.

al, stop taking cats: right. 

wrenchy grill: now me and paninya needs to go to bed. night

pans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

wrenchy grill: nighty ♥

eddsworld: they about to do something that they shouldn't be doing.

maria hill: bro, too much is going on in this chat.

candy kain: agreed. as they say 2 for the price of one.

no: you just literally asked for nudes.

candy kain: babe, that was just one time.

no: imma hit u up in the dm. 

candy kain: imma get them nudes

roy musty wang: =/

guns and ships: boi, stop pouting. 

guns and ships: pout on tinder.

roy musty wang: i did :(

roy musty wang: nobody swiped right...

how do u use this messaging junk?: i see that.

how do u use this messaging junk?: got chu fam. use this.

guns and ships: <https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/>

roy musty wang: i can find someone.

guns and ships: no. just use it for some advice.

sheski bear changed roy musty wang name to  _stop. just stop. nobody cares._

stop. just stop. nobody cares: rude >:(((

how do u use this messaging junk?: again, they hated her for telling the truth.

stop. just stop. nobody cares: i see how it is. i got you, 'sheski bear'

sheski bear: i wish u would.

stop. just stop. nobody cares changed sheski bear to  _low self esteem_

maria hill: bro, you took this too far.

low self esteem: why are you making fun of my self esteem :(

eddsworld: you way too sensitive, roy-boy.

eddsworld changed stop. just stop. nobody cares name to  _roy-boy._

roy boy: :O

guns and ships: that's what u get.

how do u use this messaging junk?: alrighty, me and riza finna go to bed. see ya in the morning cus we're tired af.

guns and ships: incase ya'll wondering, i'm giving oli neck kisses rn.

narudo: okay.

denny's: that's all. 

low self esteem: night everyone, i'm sleeping with mars tonight.

eddsworld: who's mars?

maria hill: me.

narudo: that's cute.

low self esteem: mars, put the phone down and go to sleep.

maria hill: k...?

eddsworld: it's bout that time for me and al to go to sleep too.

narudo: i'm the only one that's going to be awake :(

roy-boy: oh no the fuck ur not. go to sleep.

narudo: shut up, old man.

denny's: i'm too 24 for this shit. night.

narudo: fine, night.

roy-boy: night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. jumping roy at mickey d's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk this is just random.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> users:  
> maria hill- (ofc it's maria ross)  
> denny's- denny (ofc again)  
> how do u use this messaging junk?- olivier (olivi- yeah)  
> guns and ships: riza  
> roy-boy: roy...(ofc)  
> narudo- lan fan  
> i rob ur house for food not money- ling  
> low self esteem- sheska  
> eddsworld- edward  
> al, stop taking cats- alphonse  
> wrenchy grill- winry  
> pans-paninya  
> i'm greedy for d-greed  
> candy kain- kain.  
> no-havoc

 

how do u use this messaging junk?: I FINALLY GOT SOME!

low self esteem: not even a simple' good morning' i'm happy tho.

narudo: YES! WHERE'S RIZA?

how do u use this messaging junk?: still sleep.

wrenchy grill: damn, you put her to sleep?

pans: what happened?

maria hill: oli finally got a taste of riza.

pans: oh shit, okay oli.

how do u use this messaging junk?: AND I PUT HER TO SLEEP!

pans: OKAY OLI. YOU WASN'T PLAYING!

eddsworld: damn. okay, how would you rate it, riza?

guns and ships: i would rate it a 100/10

pans: i thought u was sleep.

maria hill: didn't you do it too?

wrenchy grill: nah, we just made out.

pans: it was close tho.

guns and ships: sheska and maria, didnt ya'll do it?

low self esteem: no, we just slept together.

eddsworld: kain, did u get them nudes?

candy kain: yes. but i only got his abs and let me tell you i was sweating b/c of them abs. like it was so hot.

no: k...okay...

candy kain: babe, can you please...

*candy kain send a voicenote.

"SEND. ME. MORE. ABS. YOU. HOT. PIECE. OF. MEAT. COME. TO. MY. HOUSE. RIGHT. NOW!"

no: where dat address tho?

candy kain: imma send you it in my dms.

candy kain: daddy.

pans: I'M DONE!

guns and ships: IM ON THE FLOOR.

no: i'm coming rn, papi.

*maria hill send a voicenote.

"YO, I'M  ON THE FLOOR. I'M DEAD!"

denny's: XD

narudo: bruh, what even is this convo?

low self esteem: wyd?

pans: i'm eating.

eddsworld: eating what?

pans: ...

wrenchy grill: me.

how do u use this messaging junk?: that's part of y'all morning routine?

wrenchy grill: no, we do this every saturday morning.

guns and ships: are you being sarcastic?

pans: no.

eddsworld: ya'll actually "eat" every saturday morning?

wrenchy grill: yea.

wrenchy grill: then after, i make breakfast.

low self esteem: so, ya'll about to have that salty taste in ya'll mouth then make breakfast.

pans: how tf u know what...

low self esteem:...

maria hill: i mean, it was a date night and we tried to celebrate then we was watching netflix...

narudo: netflix and chill?

al, stop taking cats: what are ya''ll talking about?

narudo: things that you shouldnt hear. now go back to sleep.

pans: scroll up.

roy-boy: stop making me feel bad about being single.

* how do u use this messaging junk? send a picture

how do u use this messaging junk?: this is all mine.

roy-boy: sharing is caring

wrenchy grill: last time i shared i got in a fight.

pans: damn.

denny's: ya'll some bad children.

maria hill: actually, roy, you still owe me my $40.

roy-boy: about that...

wrenchy grill: im cooking breakfast rn.

roy-boy: okay...i need to run...

* * *

maria hill: so. we gonna jump roy or nah.

denny's: nah, i ain't trying to get warrant.

how do u use this messaging junk?: okay, where tf we meet?

maria hill: mickey d's.

denny's: while you there, can i get a mcgriddle?

maria hill: sausage or chesse?

denny's: cheese, i aint gay.

maria hill: you getting sausage.

denny's: why?

maria hill: cus you're gayer than a mf.

how do u use this messaging junk?: true tho.

wrenchy grill: can i join too?

maria hill: who wanna help me jump roy @ mickey d's.

narudo: i'll help. i need to get food for ling.

i rob ur house for food not money: sure. 

i'm greedy for d: i mean, leggo.

eddsworld: hated that bastard for the longest so where's your car?

low self esteem: i'm just going to record.

wrenchy grill: isnt roy gonna see this?

how do u use this messaging junk?: i blocked him from this chat.

pans: okay, where's your car?

maria hill: EVERYONE MEET ME AT GIANT EAGLE, riza tricked him to go to mickey d's.

guns and ships: okay, he's on his way. he's walking.

maria hill: great! everyone, let's try not to get a warrant!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

maria hill: okay! everyone's in the car?

eddsworld: yeah.

al, stop taking cats: why r yall trying to jump mustang?

maria hill: he owes me money.

pans: we're gonna kick his ass!

wrenchy grill: what r we going to do while we driving to mickey d's.

guns and ships: hand me the aux.

eddsworld: play what the hell.

guns and ships: deadass, song a bop.

(back at it again but everyone is screaming the chorus. song: what the hell. (not even lying) <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0y_T4H3Pto> ) (/=singng. &=singing together) 

Riza: /But honestly. I just need to be a little crazy.../

Everyone, screaming: /ALL I LIFE I'VE BEEN GOOD BUT NOW WOAH, I'M THINKING WHAT THE HELL! ALL I WANT IS TO MESS AROUND AND I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT!/

Paninya: / IF YOU LOVE ME, IF YOU HATE ME!/

Winry: /YOU CAN SAVE ME!/

Maria: /BABY, BABY!/

Everyone, screaming: /ALL MY LIFE, I'VE BEEN GOOD BUT NOW WOAH, WHAT THE HELL!/

Sheska: /What?/

Olivier: /What?/

Edward: /What?/

Everyone: /WHAT THE HELL!/

maria hill: we @ mickey's everyone out.

eddsworld: where is he?

how do u use this messaging junk?: i see him. 

narudo: i'm getting food, k.

narudo: what ya want?

denny's: mcgriddle.

maria hill: fries.

wrenchy grill: idc, just give me something.

i rob ur house for food not money: same.

i'm greedy for d: soda, doesn't matter.

narudo: ok.

how do u use this messaging junk?: sheska, u recording. 

low self esteem: yeah.

how do u use this messaging junk?: okay, i see him.

maria hill: if the employee comes, run like flash and hop into the car.

denny's: that's why i'm not involved.

maria hill: in 3...2...1...

\---------------------------------------

maria hill: YO! THEY CHASING US!

how do u use this messaging junk?: THAT WAS GOLD!

denny's: WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!?!

eddsworld: ROSS SLAPPED A EMPLOYEE AND NOW THE WHOLE STAFF IS CHASING US.

pans: I'VE NEVER RAN SO FAST.

narudo: XD I GOT THE FOOD! IT'S IN THE CAR.

guns and ships: EVERYONE IS IN THE CAR, RIGHT?

wrenchy grill: WHO ARE WE MISSING?!

eddsworld: ling. get in the car!!!

eddsworld: nvm

maria hill: I'M SPEEDING SO THEY DONT GET OUR LICENSE PLATE!

low self esteem: DID WE LEAVE ROY?!

roy-boy: I'M RUNNING WHY TF DID U JUMP ME SO UNEXPECTED?!

maria hill: hey, i still got my $40!

how do u use this messaging junk?: sheska recorded it all.

denny's: everyone go to my house!

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

denny's: ya'll crazy.

i rob ur house for food not money: that was the fastest i've ever seen greed and sheska run.

low self esteem: i was flash.

denny's: let me see the video.

 

(video.3423429.jph)

Employee: Why are you attacking this man?

Maria: He was being rude.

Employee: That doesn't give you a right to jump him.

Maria: But you know what does give me a right to?

*Slaps Employee.

Maria: RUN!

Olivier: THEY CHASING US!

Winry: OH SH-

Lan Fan, running out the store with the food: WE ABOUT TO GET A WARRANT!

Edward: TODAY'S THE DAY WE FINALLY GO TO JAIL!

Sheska, crying: I RISKED MY WRITING CAREER FOR THIS!

Paninya: WHERE'S THE CAR!

*In the car.

Riza: Speed so they can't get are license plate!

Sheska: They can still tell the car, dumbass!

Maria: Everyone okay?

Maria: Sheska, you okay?

Sheska, still crying: I risked my writing career for this...

Winry: You think about it, that is the very first bad thing Sheska ever did. She recorded it.

Riza: Send it to the group chat.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

al, stop taking cats: what happened?

eddsworld: ooh, a handful.

maria hill: I slapped an employee, ran to the car, Sheska cried, and WE JUMPED ROY.

narudo: and i got some food.

maria hill; and that.

pans: we didnt get a warrant but we are banned from mickey d's.

wrenchy grill: time to move to burger king or denny's.

denny's: no, you are not about to jump anyone at my house.

eddsworld: we weren't talking about you, dumbass.

denny's: dumbass...:(

no: i saw the video, i was dying.

candy kain: yeah. why was sheska crying?

maria hill: my bby's writing career was risked b/c she recorded it. 

candy kain: oh.

no: sounds legit.

guns and ships: how was the trip to kain's house?

no: quite interesting...

how do u use this messaging junk?: what ya'll do?

candy kain: we ate, went to the movies, went to the park, kissed, went to my car, gave him head, brought me home, watched some tv, it was great!

pans: why did you just skip over that?...

pans: why tho?

how do u use this messaging junk?: please tell me why.

candy kain: idk.

wrenchy grill: they have a big gay and they are using it.

narudo: true tho.

i rob ur house for food not money: i wish i was there with edward.

i'm greedy for d: ya'll should have invite me. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Sheska and Riza doing OG dances when nobody can gives me fucking l i f e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OG dances cuz why not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maria hill- (ofc it's maria ross)  
> denny's- denny (ofc again)  
> how do u use this messaging junk?- olivier (olivi- yeah)  
> guns and ships: riza  
> roy-boy: roy...(ofc)  
> narudo- lan fan  
> i rob ur house for food not money- ling  
> low self esteem- sheska  
> eddsworld- edward  
> al, stop taking cats- alphonse  
> wrenchy grill- winry  
> pans-paninya  
> i'm greedy for d-greed  
> candy kain- kain.  
> no-havoc

denny's: alright, the military dance is tonight so who going with who and who wearing what?

Maria hill: I mean, sheska is my girlfriend so...

Sheska: I ain't that pretty but here

Jpg.Photo.582392

[In case if your looking for the dress, https://www.simplydresses.com/shop/viewitem-PD2128152]

wrenchy grill: looking like a whole sn a ck 

Maria hill: just going to wear my suit.

Guns and ships: I'm not going. Olivier is in Briggs and I'm going to be lonely :(

Eddsworld: @How u use this messaging junk @How u use this messaging junk OLIVER, UR MAKING UR GIRL SAD.

no: so, I'm going with kain.

Candy Kain: babe, can we have sex while we are getting ready so we can be late on purpose?

no: sure.

How u use this messaging junk?: sadly I can't go cuz I am in Briggs 

Narudo: y ou are FAILING  a s  a long distance relationship girlfriend.

I rob ur house for food not money: why though?

greedy for d: because girlfriends suck.

narudo: I thought both of ya'll left.

i rob ur house for food: i didn't. just dipped and dots.

low self esteem: both of ya'll failed.

wrenchy grill: OH DI d we?

how u use this messaging junk?: i have to work bby. im srry. luv you tho <3

guns and ships: :(((

no: stop texting us. me and fuery are trying to get it on.

pans: but your phone on do not disturb then.

no: read my user

pans: then suffer our texts then

eddsworld: ling.

i rob ur house for food not money: yes, babe?

eddsworld: love you.

im greedy for d: does this dance involve hot men?

denny's: no.

im greedy for d: THEN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

low self esteem: wow. 

maria hill: wow.

pans: wow.

wrenchy grill: wow.

eddsworld: wow.

al, stop taking cats: wow.

i rob ur house for food not money: wow.

denny's: creeper.

maria hill: aw man

eddsworld: so we back in the mine

photo. jph.65293

denny's: DAMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

wrenchy grill: sis looking like a whole goddess

pans: fuck goddess, that's Aphrodite mama 

roy-boy: remember that this is a military event, not the grammy

guns and ships: this is the only military looking dress i have.

guns and ships: its blue, it's down to my knees, it's cute, it's fluffy, it's good.

 

* * *

 

 denny's: alright, so everyone is looking like fresh snacks.

denny's: they playing gives you hell.

denny's: my social anxiety has reached the limit.

denny's: im dying. pls help.

maria hill: why u go?

denny's: it looked cool and now im in a corner eating the salad bowl.

low self esteem: same except im eating the plate of cinnamon buns.

eddsworld: oh so that's where they went.

guns and ships: i hate dances and they aint playing no good songs.

denny's: they playing this is how we do it.

low self esteem: hold my cinnamon rolls.

guns and ships: really?

low self esteem: watch my phone, denny.

guns and ships: watch mine too.

...

denny's: they...actually did it.

maria hill: they did it...

low self esteem: hell yeah we did.

guns and ships: i didn't know we can spin around that fast.

low self esteem: my legs hurt so bad.

pans: what happened

video.jph.926381

eddsworld: sheska was killing it

low self esteem: so was my legs.

narudo: wow. i didnt know she can...do that.

guns and ships: i'm leaving, im tired.

maria hill: want us to drive you home?

guns and ships: yee.

 

 

 


	4. sheska just maria an lap dance i-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maria hill- (ofc it's maria ross)  
> denny's- denny (ofc again)  
> how do u use this messaging junk?- olivier (olivi- yeah)  
> guns and ships: riza  
> roy-boy: roy...(ofc)  
> narudo- lan fan  
> i rob ur house for food not money- ling  
> low self esteem- sheska  
> eddsworld- edward  
> al, stop taking cats- alphonse  
> wrenchy grill- winry  
> pans-paninya  
> i'm greedy for d-greed  
> candy kain- kain.  
> no-havoc

narudo: we going out or what?

i rob ur house for food not money: i'm back from the dead, bois!

narudo: gay club?

low self esteem: yeah.

guns and ships: sure.

denny's: bruh, i got siblings. ya'll better not do no dumb stuff.

eddsworld: like what, sheska giving maria an lap dance?

low self esteem: YES!

denny's: NO!

narudo: DO IT AND I'LL SEND 10 DOLLARS IN YOUR PAYPAL

denny's: SH E SKA, DO N'T!

low self esteem: H ELLS YE  S   S S S S  S

maria hill: alright, let me get prepared.

al, stop taking cats: you really abt to give maria an. i-

guns and ships: i-

narudo: sheska is rlly abt to i-

pans: winry, wanna do the same???

wrenchy grill: no. when we're at home, yes.

roy-boy: i'm recording it.

candy kain: no, let an gay man do it.

roy-boy: i will j UMp you.

maria hill: we already did that.

i rob ur house for food not money: i mean, i can give edward one.

narudo: no.

eddsworld: then i'll do it or i'll like...give him a little cheeks.

narudo: NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.NONONONONONOoNOJNONOONNODUIBHDHDONONONONONONONONONONONNOONONONONONONNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i rob ur house for food not money: i'll like that, please.

narudo: do it and i'll murd er you.

no: do it. 

candy kain: rood. encouraging someone else.

no: so like, you want to like get twerked on?

narudo: if ur not sheska then don't. this is an one in an lifetime moment.

* * *

denny's: what playing?

narudo: gold. that one song no one knows the name of.

maria hill: where's sheska?

roy-boy: bruh, im not gay, why i even come here?

i rob ur house for food not money: because you're roy.

roy-boy: rude.

low self esteem: here. where's the lucky kid? 

maria hill: at the table in the back.

low self esteem: alright, here i come.

i'm greedy for d: someone sent the video to me, please.

low self esteem: you ready?

denny's: oh god.

pans: bro, i see them.

wrenchy grill: I'M WEAK.

i rob ur house for food not money: yo, she's actually doing it.

eddsworld: i- shooketh.

candy kain: maria's like lucky.

no: ikr.

narudo: SHE JSUT PUT MARIA'S HAND UNDER HER DRESS I. AM. SHOOK.

narudo: *just

eddsworld: bro, sent them to the car. maria enjoying this too much. 

pans: i just saw maria's hand go in her...send them in the car asap.

al, stop taking cats: i'm sad i didn't go.

guns and ships: #sheskaisonesmoothmf

candy kain: and there goes the glasses, i'll protect them.

no: SENDTHEMTOTHECAR. SHEJUSTSLIDHERARMSTRAPDOWN.

roy-boy: this is just too much for an straight man to handle.

narudo: they're heading to the car. that was too much hotness.

eddsworld: the car just shook. it shook very hard. very very hard.

i rob ur house for food not money: they're...leave them alone right now.

pans: winry's dancing to loca and is now leading me to the bathroom.

pans: see ya'll in like 2 hours. it's abt to get rated r.

narudo: too much gayness.

guns and ships: and i just heard things from the girl bathroom.

i rob ur house for food not money: too much, too much.

* * *

 

denny's: oh god, i just saw the video, help me.

i'm greedy for d: so like is sheska and maria in car?

guns and ships: everyone is drunk, someone help.

how do u use this messaging junk?: ight imma dip.

guns and ships: babe. help. everyone is dancing in one big fat circle around me and i'm scared.

denny's: where's your @?

narudo: i'm scared rn. no like really, everyone is screaming.

pans: and i'm concerned about everyone's well being. is maria and sheska still in the car?

guns and ships: they're sleep, finally. yes, covered.

pans: heading to the car

narudo: coming with you.

guns and ships: same.

* * *

 

(they got home, end of chapter, you lovely idiot)

 

 


	5. so sheska lost her driving license. that's fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maria hill- (ofc it's maria ross)  
> denny's- denny (ofc again)  
> how do u use this messaging junk?- olivier (olivi- yeah)  
> guns and ships: riza  
> roy-boy: roy...(ofc)  
> narudo- lan fan  
> i rob ur house for food not money- ling  
> low self esteem- sheska  
> eddsworld- edward  
> al, stop taking cats- alphonse  
> wrenchy grill- winry  
> pans-paninya  
> i'm greedy for d-greed  
> candy kain- kain.  
> no-havoc

low self esteem: guess who lost their driving license!!!

eddsworld: what did you do?

wrenchy grill: i wanna know. 

guns and ships: i thought that it would be maria.

al, stop taking cats: did you hit someone?

*denny's sent a picture.

denny's: IM IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF YOU!!!

low self esteem: you shouldn't have said that jesus isn't gay.

maria hill: i would defend you but she had every right to do that. 

pans: the nerds always fucking dangerous.

candy kain: surely are.

low self esteem: now shut the fuck up before i go into your house and kill you.

pans: do it, whore.

no: hey, slutty bookworm. can you run me over?

candy kain: are you trying to cheat on me?

no: read my user.

i'm greedy for d: i'm convincing musthang to change sheska user to slutty bookworm.

roy-boy changed low self esteem user to slutty bookworm.

slutty bookworm: i hate you greed.

i'm greedy for d: i hate you too.

narudo: everyone hates you greed. 

eddsworld: i want sheska to take everyone on a roadtrip but instead she just drives straight into the ocean and locks all doors with the windows all rolled up. 

slutty bookworm: great idea, ed!

how do u use this messaging junk?: that's fun. let's also get sheska arrested!

denny's: yayyy!

eddsworld: tf, no. protect this crazy bitch at all times.

wrenchy grill changed the group name to protect crazy bookworm slut.

maria hill: and that's on crazy whore.

candy kain: hell to the fuck yeah.

guns and ships: sheska, can you drive roy off a cliff?

roy-boy: hell no, you fucking crazy bitch.

slutty bookworm: sure.


	6. so someone told paninya's parents about discord...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maria hill- (ofc it's maria ross)  
> denny's- denny (ofc again)  
> how do u use this messaging junk?- olivier (olivi- yeah)  
> guns and ships: riza  
> roy-boy: roy...(ofc)  
> narudo- lan fan  
> i rob ur house for food not money- ling  
> slutty bookworm- sheska  
> eddsworld- edward  
> al, stop taking cats- alphonse  
> wrenchy grill- winry  
> pans-paninya  
> i'm greedy for d-greed  
> candy kain- kain.  
> no-havoc

pans: so which one of you small dick bastards told my parents about discord? 

roy-boy: ?

pans: you guys have 1 second to confess before i come to your houses and stab you all in a gruesome death and knock your dead body out the coffin that you are in because i'll spit on it and jump it.

maria hill: what happened?

pans: one of you 6ix9ine bitches told my parents that i have a discord and now they're going to check my account.

eddsworld: that's tough bro.

pans: i will fucking stab you and drag your dead body into my pot so it can be finely cooked. 

pans: WITH SEASONING!

slutty bookworm: can i have some?

pans: me and sheska will have some gourmet body limbs.

wrenchy grill: hey, you wanna know something.

pans: winry, i swear to god if i have to kill my own GIRLFRIEND.

wrenchy grill: so like... greed found your parents phone number by hacking (idk why) and like he told them that you have a discord and you've been posting some content...

pans: so batman headass did all of this?

wrenchy grill: yeah.

guns and ships: uh oh, she about to get the strap.

pans: oh no.

pans: i'm going to get more than the strap.

pans: the strap will be sharp as fuck.

pans: and the strap will go right through his ass.

pans: and it will go in more places than his literal asshole.

pans: i'm also going to have a real life dildo.

pans: extra realistic.

i'm greedy for d: i'm already a top so this is new to me.

pans: oh, it's going to be a experience that you'll **never** want to wake up from.

i'm greedy for d: if i die, tell my siblings to fuck themselves.

al, stop taking cats: so, i should be worried about paninya and her mental state of mind. what happened?

narudo: same.

narudo: oh

narudo: OH

narudo: paninya about to go melee on this man.

pans: anyone wanna help a girl out and tell me this mans address?

narudo: i'll help you drag the body.

denny's: WHY ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE INSANE?! FIRST IT WAS SHESKA HITTING ME WITH HER CAR NOW IT'S PAMINYA TRYING TO KILL GREED.

wrenchy grill: paminya

candy kain: paminya

maria hill: paminya

guns and ships: paminya

slutty bookworm: paminya

eddsworld: baminya

al, stop taking cats: raminya

i'm greedy for d: laminya

how do u use this messaging junk?: i left this chat for 2 days and paninya is trying to kill greed.

i rob ur house for food not money: greed, you're literally a dead girl walking.

slutty bookworm: I'M A DEAD GIRL WALKING!

guns and ships: I'M IN YOUR YARD!

eddsworld: I'M A DEAD GIRL WALking.

pans: i'm snapping off your window lock.

eddsworld: you just skipped a whole lyric.

pans: no i didn't. this is the song i'm using to kill greed.

pans: "i'm snapping off your window lock."

i rob ur house for food not money: ay greed, turn on your life 360.

i'm greedy for d: no, i'm about to get killed. you might send her my location.

i rob ur house for food not money: i won't. trust me.

i'm greedy for d: i swear to god if you do-

maria hill: i mean you can't do anything if your dead.

slutty bookworm: *you're.

narudo: anyone notice that paninya isn't typing.

i'm greedy for d: yo, this pizza man holding a knife.

i'm greedy for d: oh, she's opening the door.

pans: i'll give you a 2 second head start. okay? :)

i'm greedy for d: lol, see ya'll in hell, hoes.


	7. i threw my little sister across the living room because i got annoyed check

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maria hill- (ofc it's maria ross)  
> denny's- denny (ofc again)  
> how do u use this messaging junk?- olivier (olivi- yeah)<  
> guns and ships: riza  
> roy-boy: roy...(ofc)  
> narudo- lan fan  
> i rob ur house for food not money- ling  
> slutty bookworm- sheska  
> eddsworld- edward  
> al, stop taking cats- alphonse  
> wrenchy grill- winry  
> pans-paninya  
> i'm greedy for d-greed  
> candy kain- kain.  
> no-havoc

denny's: hi.

maria hill: need help? you never said hi.

wrenchy grill: are you on crack sir?

eddsworld: probably is.

pans: are you a child sir?

denny's sent a picture!

pans: SHIT, IT'S A CHILD-

guns and ships: STOP CURSING. THERE IS A CHILD IN THIS SERVER.

i rob ur house for food not money: i thought ed was the child.

eddsworld: bhefvwi

maria hill: EVERYONE, STOP CURSING NOW!

slutty bookworm: bitch.

i'm greedy for d: hoe.

al, stop taking cats: STOP IT!

narudo: bitchy ass fuckerdoodle.

candy kain: fUCK-

denny's: ?

denny's: what do those mean?

guns and ships: STOP FUCKING CURSING.

how do u use this messaging junk?: you like ponies?

denny's: yeah.

guns and ships: olivier, don;t you dare-

slutty bookworm: play banned from equestria. 

narudo: play it. it's a fun game for little girls.

candy kain: ah yes, give this child flashbacks.

how do u use this messaging junk?: it's a great game!

eddsworld: please don't listen to these fools and play it.

slutty bookworm: no. let her have fun.

guns and ships: nO00-

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

denny's: im never watching my little pony again.

slutty bookworm: did you have fun?

denny's: no.

denny's: I JUST THREW MY SISTER OFF THE FUCKING BED-

denny;s: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!?!?!?!?!?!

denny's: SHE'S 7-

denny's: S E V EN-

i'm greedy for d: smh, uncultured swines should have recommended fucking boku no pico.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> k, hope u liked this. i'm writing this @ the library...so be happy.


End file.
